Chemistry and Woo

Chemistry and Woo
An April Life Lesson

Woo.  Or more widely known; Woo-woo.
Woo-woo is prevalent in Portland, OR.  I myself was ignorant to Woo and its subsidiaries (shamanism, witchcraft, and anything in which magic is spelled with a k), until the fateful day I moved into an intentional living community known as Fosterville in Southeast Portland.  Fosterville is a story for another day.  Suffice it to say I left my lease there with a google search history that included "what do jazz hands mean in a meeting?", "where is cascadia?", "what is the patriarch?", and "does my period follow the moon".

While my period never did submit to the waxing and waning on the lunar cycle, other health practices I was exposed to prompted me to seek accupuncture for a long term seizure of the muscles in my neck.  After much apprehension and one very uncomfortable session teaching me I should not reach for the blanket with pins in, my neck completely released.  I hadn't had free range of motion in months and this felt like a miracle!  Never again would I doubt the sanity of practitioner Alison as she checked the color of my tongue or listened to the secret messages of pulse.

Fast forward 9 months and I am moving into my current house.  It was disgusting.  It may well be the dirtiest house I have ever personally seen.  The only way I could afford a home in Portland near my job was to buy a fixer.

The bad dreams started shortly after moving in.  I can no longer recall their content, but their nightly occurrence left me sleep deprived.  I told Accupuncturist Alison about it.  She suggested the presence of negative energy.  I heartily declared I had "smudged" the house! (Another skill I learned at Fosterville where sage is burned and lofted about to bring about good vibes.)  Sure my intention had just been to cover the smell of cat piss, but shouldn't that count?  She said before smudging I need to clear the air - that smudging brings IN good, but that it needs room first.  So she simply instructed me to get a large pile of salt, set it on fire using rubbing alcohol, and walk around the house with it.

She was the miracle worker, so I had to try this.

I'd start in my bedroom since that was where I was sleeping and having bad dreams.  I didn't have any bowls yet, but poured a hefty amount of sea salt onto an aluminum pie pan.  I doused it with the rubbing alcohol and carefully took a lighter to it.  Nothing.

A little more alcohol.  One little flurry of flame and it was out.

A little more. Same thing.

Screw it, I'll just pour this on continually.

Now, had I spent 5 seconds considering this I would have recognized it as a bad idea but I was REALLY sleep deprived!

The flames made no sound, but the effect was POOF - the salt lit, the pouring liquid from the bottle lit, the line of spilled alocohol on my bed lit, and my sheet were on FIRE.

"Oh shit. Oooh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit!"  I do not think this was the mantra I was supposed to use to cast out negative energy.

My speakers played a calming chant playlist as my room glowed with the light of flames and I frantically hit the flames with my hand.

Baking soda was close at hand (another tool for cat piss wars) so in a panic I dumped a whole box on my bed and it put out the flames.

The evidence has been thrown out and I'm pleased to report I haven't had bad dreams in a very long time!  I am certain it is because I cleared ALL the spirits from my bed.