Comprehension

There are many things I don't understand.

Stop signs at roundabouts.
People who wear tails.
Window channel balances.
The element mercury.
Smiling at strangers.
Magic eye posters.
Cross fit people.
Non microwaveable dishes.

When it comes to more important things than these, I often don't know where I'm lacking comprehension until its too late.  Its something I'll notice after a relationship ends or I get fired or a housemate expresses their utter disdain for me.  I'd like to be better at picking up on clues about the gaps in my understanding BEFORE shit hits the fan.

When it comes to being a responsible citizen and social participant, I am neither a brilliantly talented, particularly kind or a deeply knowledgeable person.  (Quench that urge to tell me I'm sweet, I literally just fantasized about slicing the vocal cords of the man on the Hertz shuttle who was whistling to Paul Simon on the radio...for the whole ride...like 3 songs..)  I seem to get fired up over inequality and when I perceive a lack of integrity.  I haven't noticed a theme in the issues or people I get riled up over.   Maybe I'm just overly enamored with Van Jones.  Who is to say.  What I have learned is I need to be more knowledgeable to make the rage I get over these things useful.  This became evident on our last day in Colorado:

Our last day in Estes Park we walked around the little town and stopped in a coffee shop.  On the table was this article:

So I spun it towards my dad sitting diagonally from me and asked, "so this, what do you think of this?".  He read part of it and said it was wrong that this CEO hadn't disclosed his salary on time.  He didn't comment on the amount.  I started to talk about the income gap and how I can't see what good this does for the economy since 1 guy can't feasibly spend that much money.  My mom started to say rich people fund development projects.  I said I highly doubt the majority of rich people are pouring their wealth into infrastructure or public projects at a rate that could "trickle down" anywhere near enough money to close the gap.  Then-maybe it was the coffee-I snapped a little.  I can't remember how it started but my mom and I started fighting about cops killing people of color including children.  She slew things like 'blacks are killing each other and all this violence is from gangs and the illegals'.  OOOHHH the ILLEGALS are causing all the violence I SEE (in my very sarcastic voice).  She insisted they are and the Obama let everyone in.  I ultra snapped (Obama mentioning was against the rules).  I told her Obama sent more people out of the country than any other preceding president including Bush.  She countered with saying people were getting bus passes at the border (she must be talking about the practice of giving border crossing people due process in court which cannot be done immediately so they are allowed to go and return for their hearing which a number do not return for).  I told her that practice was not an Obama invention and was exactly how Bush dealt with giving illegal immigrants the due process we guarantee as a country.  She flew into how Obama put millions into a failed attempt at solar power (my dad jumped on her bandwagon on this one).  And I earnestly have no idea what she was talking about so I couldn't comment much except to say it seems like a good investment to push for cleaner power.  We bickered about Obama which I HATE doing because its essentially useless - none of us know Obama and he gives zero fucks about what the Robbins' party of 3 think of his presidency at this juncture.  I much rather argue over specific decisions and priorities since that is what we'll be voting on in the future, not Obama's integrity.  It felt like drama and I completely fell for it.  My dad had to break us up as we were probably embarrassing him in the cafe.

I didn't make much headway after that.  I was pissed off and tired.  I went for a walk when we got back to the cabin and watched the deer graze.  Helped my brain stop reaching for the next piece of dirt to throw.

I never did ask them to do the value card sort which I had planned to do.  I felt like we had covered a lot of ground and didn't need more material for discussion.

It may not sound like we got very far, but for my family we did.  We were never the 'talk about things' family and I'd say we have fairly loose bonds.  There just isn't a lot of depth (which I am COMPLETELY ok with) so that means diving into anything of substance takes a longer acclimation period than maybe other families need who are accustomed to arguing and talking and being in touch and knowing each other well.

The next morning we woke up to this:

We nearly didn't make it to Denver.  The ride was tense and I was driving about 25 mph the entire way.  THANKFULLY I arrived at the airport in time for my flight back to Portland.

Since then I haven't talked to my parents besides letting them know I am home safely.

I have started accumulating some, but DO post links to specific articles/data that you think would be helpful for me or other materials.  I don't have the bandwidth to go to a class series or join any groups but I'd be down for meaty lectures with many facts or other fact-heavy-opinion-light options.

That concludes this less than climatic blog series.  I've decided writing is kind of therapeutic.  I may write things sometimes on here.
Thanks for reading!

Rocky Mountain National Park, Estes Park, Colorado

xo April

OH YEAH! I forgot to mention 2 questions my mom DID ask:

"What do two women who are married call each other?"  and  "Will the baby know its father?".  The second was in reference to my single friend who is going to have a baby via donor and who generally dates women.

I told mom lesbian married couples probably call each other 'wives' most of the time, or may just say 'partner'.  And I told her my pregnant friend has set up some agreement with the donor and its just like any other single parenting situation.

She is more interested in asking questions about being gay than anything else.  I understand that - I had (and still have) a lot of questions about queer identity and culture.  Its less readily available knowledge than other topics we discussed.